Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions about money here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Pay Dirt,
Stay-at-home mom here. My partner is a very hard worker and earns a good wage. He has made it clear once the kids showed up, I wasn’t expected to work. (We live overseas, so finding a job in a place where I don’t speak the language is tough.) My boys are 4 and 7 now. However, there’s been a catch.
I have no overview on our finances. I have a credit card with a limit but get given very little cash. How do I make this area more of a partnership than a one-way street when I don’t bring any money in myself?
—Confused
Dear Confused,
It’s important for you to be involved in your family’s finances, so kudos for reaching out for advice to address it. Should your partner be away for a long period of time—or, God forbid, something happens to him—you should be able to cover any financial situation that may arise. That includes knowing about your cash flow, having access to bank accounts, and tracking any and all bills that need to be paid. Along with knowing about these financial matters, you should always have your name on any checking accounts your family uses regularly, as well as having your own individual account.
Find a time to talk to your partner about sharing this information. One way could be to ask him to have a money date with you one night after the boys are put to bed. Open up a bottle of wine, settle in, share that you are thankful for all of his hard work, and tell him you would like to have more insight into the family budgeting and spending. You may not be contributing financially at the moment, but you do contribute to the household and have put in considerable sweat equity to make sure things have been running smoothly.
If your partner chooses to not discuss the family finances with you, see if you’re able to figure out why he’s hesitating or refusing to do so. It may take a different approach, a series of conversations, or even a discussion with a couple’s therapist, but it’s important for your relationship to have access to this information.
—Athena Valentine
From: I’m A Chess Master. Is It Ok To Hustle My Colleagues? (August 8th, 2021).
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Dear Pay Dirt,
My now ex-wife and I divorced amicably back in April. Most of the stipulations in our separation agreement were based on our equal salaries, so although our kids spend most of the year with her overseas, there was no requirement for either child support or alimony. Prior to the divorce, I worked with our broker to divide our assets, which included a sizable stock portfolio. I asked about tax liability and was told that dividing assets should not incur capital gains. Having been responsible for the money during our married years, I prepared the paperwork and my ex looked it over before we both signed it.
Fast forward several months. My ex calls me, furious, reporting that the division of assets resulted in the stock positions being placed in her managed portfolio (with the same broker). The portfolio manager appears to have sold the entirety of the positions and reinvested the proceeds into mutual funds, with realization of a substantial quantity of capital gains. Her tax hit with this is substantial. She naturally wants me to help her cover this unexpected cost and blames me for this happening at all.
I don’t mind contributing to help our kids, but I’ve got questions. Do I have an ethical obligation to cover half the cost of the tax hit? Does the portfolio managers’ failure to ask my ex for permission prior to the stock sale represent a failure of fiduciary duty? And what options do we have to reduce this tax hit or undo some of the damage here?
—A Mistake, but Whose?
Dear Mistake,
A portfolio manager can make investment decisions on your behalf without your consent if your brokerage account is a discretionary one. If your account is nondiscretionary, then your trader must ask you for permission before trading. Your wife will need to investigate to see what type of account she has, and to determine whether the broker has acted outside of fiduciary duties.
You do not have an ethical obligation to cover half of the costs of the tax hit. Yes, you settled the estate—but she signed off on that settlement. Once you’re divorced, you’re divorced. She is now responsible for her own financial matters, and for making sure her affairs are in order. I don’t know if you want to face her wrath by telling her this—that’s for you to decide. Godspeed, friend.
—A.V.
From: Why Is My Wealthy Fiancé Making Me Pay Half The Rent?(December 28th, 2021).
Dear Pay Dirt,
Through a terrible relationship decision, I racked up nearly $40,000 in debt that I started paying down in 2019. I’m down to the final bit of the last personal loan, and I’m on track to pay it off in January (about 1.5 years earlier than the term of the loan).
My grandma, who hasn’t had a credit card or loan ever in her life, called me up to give me some advice. She said that since I’ve been a good customer (paying on time, paying extra), if I call and ask the loan company, they should waive my final payment.
Is this really a thing, or is my grandma remembering something they did in the 1950s? Is it worth my time to make the phone call and wade through all of the menus and rigamarole? Or should I just tell my grandma that I called and they don’t do that anymore?
—Thanks, Grandma!
Dear Grandma,
Wherever she heard this tidbit, Grandma is definitely onto something. While not all of your creditors will allow you to negotiate your payoff amount, a lot of debt collectors will work with you. I used this method quite a lot when I was paying off medical bills from my cancer treatment. If creditors can see that you have paid quite a bit and are close to the finish line, they may be willing to bend a little.
Call your creditor and ask about negotiating the payoff amount. They may not forgive the total amount, but they may agree to take a smaller sum. You can also negotiate interest rates, so check to see if you can shave off a few additional dollars.
Also, kudos for being (almost) debt-free! Tastes good, don’t it?
—A.V.
From: My Fiancé’s Ex Quit Her Job Because Of Covid. Now She’s Just Mooching Off Us. (January 5th, 2022).
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