How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I’m an 18-year-old guy, and I’ve recently had to move in with my older sister and her husband. My brother-in-law, “Kenneth,” is honestly the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. He’s kind, funny, and built like a Greek god. He’s also super traditional and religious, which is part of why I’m so confused.
Lately, I feel like there’s this insane sexual tension between us. He walks around the house in just sweatpants with no underwear, and the bulge is so obvious. I feel like he has to know what he’s doing. Today, he was working out shirtless, and I asked if I could just sit and watch. He said yes, no questions asked, and worked out for a full hour. He was lifting weights and flexing right in front of me.
To me, this is a clear sign. A straight guy wouldn’t let another guy just watch him work out, would he? He has to be into it. But he’s also my sister’s husband, and he’s super religious, so it’s all so complicated. I’m starting to think about ways to make a move, to show him I’m interested. I’m convinced he wants it too. My question is: Am I right? Is he giving me signals, or am I imagining this?
—Confused and Craving
Dear Confused and Craving,
Even if the husband of your sister, who you have been given shelter by, is interested in having sex with you and is giving you signals, you absolutely should not encourage this. Sex with your brother-in-law is a breach of your sister’s trust. It’s also nearly guaranteed to screw up your living situation.
Those two reasons are more than enough to pass on this scenario. Stop looking when Kenneth is working out, flaunting his bulge, or otherwise feels like he’s flirting with you. Disengage and put your amorous efforts somewhere more appropriate.
—Jessica
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