Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

My wife and I are two women in our mid-30s, and we’ve been together for three years. She is constantly getting hit on by one particular co-worker.

This woman (yes, it’s another woman doing the daily hustling) was delusional enough to tell my wife she’d “probably grow out of” her relationship with me! My girl brings this energy home, and it’s getting us both off-balance. The office-chick is hot, aggressive, and has my wife in her sights, despite being told “thanks anyway.” What would you do?

—Back Off

Dear Back Off,

This sounds like a bad situation all around. I’m glad you’re supporting and trusting your wife, but I also think that this is her problem to solve—and yes, that applies even though it’s affecting both of you. “Thanks anyway” seems like it’s not a forceful enough rejection for this co-worker. Your wife needs to tell the co-worker, clearly and bluntly, that her behavior needs to stop and that her overtures—especially the statement that she would “grow out of” her relationship—are disrespectful. Has your wife ever actually said the words “please don’t talk about my wife that way”? If not, she needs to. Immediately.

Second, I know I say this all the time, but your wife needs to consult her employee handbook, start documenting what’s happening and involve HR. It’s possible the co-worker’s behavior will escalate and become harassment, and if that’s the case, your wife will want to have a paper trail. And it’s better to involve HR sooner rather than later. If it turns out to be a nothingburger, great. If it gets worse, then she has proof that this has been an ongoing issue.

Lastly, I think it’s worth examining what it means that your “girl brings this energy home and it’s getting us both off-balance.” What would make you feel better about what’s going on at work? How can you support your wife and how can she reassure you that she’s not getting anything out of this attention from her co-worker? It’s a delicate situation and one probably best navigated with the help of a couples’ therapist, so if you aren’t already seeing one, it’s probably time to find one.

—Doree

Classic Prudie

When I met my husband 10 years ago, he had been divorced for two years. “Lindy” turned into a party girl after their divorce. Never around for the kids and very flaky. We have custody of their two children. Lindy was out of the picture for years, but she reemerged and texted my husband. She says she’s changed her focus in life and is getting herself together. She told my husband that she’s moving to Australia to start a new job and new healthy life. A few weeks later, I come home from work and find Lindy in my house having a glass of wine. My husband took me aside and told me that Lindy will be staying in our guest room for three weeks. He said her lease was up and this arrangement is temporary, and it will help her to save money until she leaves for Australia. I was upset that he didn’t consult me on it, but I let it go. It’s now three months later!