Now That You’ve Left is a new Slate column from noted ex-wife Scaachi Koul, helping readers navigate all the big quandaries and questions that come after separation and divorce. Read all about it below, and submit your questions here or to scaachi.koul@slate.com.
There’s little to be grateful for these days, but at least we all live in the same timeline as the Real Housewives franchise. How skeletal would our television archive be without the contributions of Kelly Bensimon running in the middle of New York City traffic or NeNe Leakes feeling spooked by a white refrigerator or Teresa Giudice reminding Danielle Staub that she’s from Paterson, New Jersey, which means she can fight. For nearly 20 years, the Housewives franchise—alongside other Bravo programming sometimes inspired by Real Housewives—has provided plenty of catharsis and joy and comedy.
Bravo programming has always been about women, made in large part for women, and in existence because of women. Flawed and ugly though the women in front of the camera might sometimes be, they’re the reason we’re tuning in. But because these women often abide by the most basic codes of American traditionalism—heterosexuality, thin bodies in tight dresses, a prudish allergy to discussing sex and drugs—they’re married to men who insist on bringing their own energy to their wives’ projects. There’s the slithering Slade Smiley from Real Housewives of Orange County, the condescending Todd Bradley from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, the indifferent Kelsey Grammer from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And god, who could forget Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Joe Giudice, patron saint of worthless husbands, who was caught on a hot mic talking about his “bitch wife” on the phone to his mistress. While the wives vociferously defend their husbands on shows like these, the men are usually busy making their lives much worse.
The latest addition to the Househusband Pantheon is one of the darkest in the franchise. Denise Richards, formerly of RHOBH and her own 2025 reality show, Denise Richards & Her Wild Things, announced in early July that she and her husband Aaron Phypers were divorcing. Soon thereafter, Richards was granted an order of protection against Phypers, alleging he had physically and verbally abused her over the course of their almost seven-year marriage. Photos of her black eye and bruising on her arm accompanied her filing, and naturally made it on TMZ immediately.
As those photos of Richards’ bruised face became public, so did the sleuthing around the timeline of the alleged abuse. Plotlines from RHOBH seem to coincide with her allegations of abuse: On the show, he threatened to crush her hand after they had an argument at a party. Combined with the fact that so much about her time on the show was about her marriage, her fidelity, and her family, the allegations make watching old episodes of RHOBH that much more discomfiting.
The worst husbands on Bravo shows manage to be cruel to their wives both on and off the show, like Russell Armstrong from RHOBH. Married to Taylor Armstrong, he was physically and financially abusing her for years. Taylor was forced to address her complex marriage on camera; meanwhile, Russell fractured her orbital floor. With some Bravo husbands, the crimes are mundane trespasses, like Tom Schwartz on Vanderpump Rules, who is seemingly incapable of stopping himself from making out with women other than his own (now ex-) wife. Phypers and Richards’ divorce is an extreme case, but it still speaks to an overall trend of humiliation and harm performed by these men against the women who carry our beloved shows on their backs.
Abusive marriages continue to play out on Bravo shows, extending into other programs and franchises. The Valley, Vanderpump Rules’ spiritual spinoff, is mired this season by Jax Taylor’s endless conflicts. In the middle of a divorce from his wife Brittany Cartwright and in and out of different rehabilitation centers, he continues to wreak havoc for his estranged wife. Throughout this season, Taylor tries to access the cameras in Cartwright’s home and sends her rage-filled blocks of text while he’s apparently in rehab. As Bravo shows rely more on men—and namely, on husbands—the more their shows’ plotlines descend into despair. The Valley was, in its first season, a delicious extension of the Vanderpump universe, giving us a look at what these freaks are like as parents in their 30s. In this season, it’s instead a charnel house of bad relationships.
The ugliest moments of this season of Real Housewives of Miami are all about the men. While Todd Nepola files for divorce from Alexia, she begs her friends to help her not go back to him after he moved out without telling her in advance. Meanwhile, Larsa Pippen is left to defend herself against vague threats from her ex-boyfriend, Marcus Jordan. (Are you wondering if Pippen here, ex-wife to Scottie himself, was dating her ex-husband’s former teammate’s son? She sure was, and for that, she should be the president.) Jordan Junior was a fun distraction on the show, something for the girls to fight about, a token for Pippen’s social standing in the group. But as an ex-boyfriend, he’s merely an asshole: someone who belittles Pippen and keeps hanging out with her friends and their boyfriends as some attempt at a post-breakup power grab.
The purpose of the husband on a Bravo show is to either support his wife or, as he heads out the door, to provide the girls with a conduit to quicker bonding. In season 5 of RHOM, the women are united almost season-long against Lisa Hochstein’s ex-husband Lenny, crying with her poolside over how awful he was to her. When the men aren’t catalyzing female bonding, they’re sowing chaos and confusion, sometimes being blatantly abusive, and inserting themselves in stories they have no business being involved in. But among their most egregious sins? They’re boring. I don’t want to watch a man in a suit with a big, stupid wristwatch. This is Bravo! Where are the feathers?
The husbands were only ever supposed to be set decoration; they’re the guys designated to bring their wives to the party and make sure they leave before someone rips out $77 worth of hair extensions from a place called Chateau Salon. Now, marital discord makes these shows feel too dark to enjoy. What pleasure can one wring out from Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Porsha Williams and Simon Guobadia, whose relationship ends with Simon being deported right after suing his ex-wife?
What can rescue our favorite Bravo shows from this unbearable bleakness? Divorce, of course! From Ariana Madix screaming in Tom Sandoval’s face after he cheated on her with their friend to Countess LuAnn asking her then-boyfriend Tom “How could you do this to me question mark,” breakups have made for some of the best-ever episodes of Bravo shows. The best version of any of these offerings is one where the women are free to fight amongst themselves. These arguments are designed for maximum impact and premium pettiness. The more rooted in a real, tangible, and terrifying problem they become, the less compelling they are as reality television.
The husbands don’t just have the opportunity to ruin the life of the woman we’re actually here to watch, but to make the viewing experience that much more odious for the rest of us. They don’t abide by the established rules of reality television, they often get in physical altercations with other men on camera (take that shit to the hockey channel, hosers), and worst of all, they turn on their wives. The husbands aren’t worth watching, which is why there are very few Bravo shows that feature them as anything other than supporting cast members. Any true Housewives watcher is more interested in where Crystal Kung got her ugly leather pants than they are in Erika Jayne’s blossoming relationship with a guy nicknamed the “Sheriff of Baghdad.”
Bravo was never about straight men; it was for the girls and the gays. But there is one plotline I’m happy to witness, one that’s even better than watching a Real Housewife White Party or Dog Funeral or Toddler Quinceañera. It’s the Real Housewife Divorce—and thank god, these women keep getting them.
